Love beyond what I can fathom

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Some people to get to make the news

Some people to get to say what’s true

Everybody’s gotta find their own way through

But if you love Love, then Love loves you too

 

Some people get to fly by night

Some people get to shine a light

Everybody’s got to find their own way through

But if you love Love, then Love loves you too

 

Some of us hunger for the finer things

Some lust for power like the ancient kings

Some have to leave behind the things they thought they knew

some people don’t know how much trouble they can brew

 

Some take the burden of another’s pain

Some spend forever on a moment’s gain

Everybody’s gotta find their own way through

But if you love Love, then Love loves you too

– Bruce Cockburn

Today in our evening scripture and in my reading of new monasticism, I am reminded that I need to come to God. This is such an intense time in my life right now and I am filled with so many emotions. I described myself recently as feeling really “alive”. I think most of my life I dissociated a lot and never really felt feelings to the full. Now  I do. It’s a bit overwhelming because they are all coming at once. I love this Bruce Cockburn song as the message is so simple – if you love Love, then Love loves you too. So tonight, in the midst of all that I have been feeling today, I rest in the arms of love.

Tonight’s evening prayer time took us through looking at our day. To be honest, I’ve spent most of today crying. But as the day comes to a close, I am amazed at how God has and continues to provide for me. My grandpa’s sick and this news and the family dynamics are heartwrenching. So many people in my community have offered to get involved in the messiness of my family whether that be driving me up to see my grandpa, making the phone calls for me, or simply holding me as I cry. People have offered to take time off work. As I wrestle with anger, people have expressed their desire to stand up for me and to take the hits so to speak.

Last night in prayer there was a very touching moment from a member of our community who frequents our house. He has a form of schizophrenia and is known all around the city for his paper cutouts. They are indeed masterpieces and I can’t get my head around how he creates these amazing things! Ever since I was in the hospital, he has challenged me to face my mental health issues honestly and he seems to have found some comradarie in knowing that I understand, to a certain extent, some of the struggles that he has undergone in terms of dealing with a mental illness. Last night we were sharing stories and pictures and actually it was a very precious time and I am thankful for those moments. Then we joined one of my housemates for prayer.

When it came time for intercessory prayers, I prayed for my grandpa and the medical team. And I prayed that hearts would soften. Bob immediately looked at me and said, “Elizabeth, do you need someone to escort you to see your grandfather? Cause I would go with you.” I had tears in my eyes.

I have so many wonderful relationships in my life. My life is so full. And yes, this is an incredibly intense time and I am exhausted and worn. But God is providing for each step of the journey in more ways than I had imagined. He provides using people whom I least expect it from and in moments when I am not expecting.

And so tonight, I lay aside my hurt and frustration and anger and all the intensity of what I feel. And i rest. I rest in the arms of the One who loves me more than I can fathom.

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