Details in the Fabric

Discovering that the world is open to me and that I have the capacity and drive to make my dreams come true has been an incredible blessing. Discovering that I have gifts and dreams and goals and talents – that I can offer something to the world around me – has been empowering and inspiring. This has opened a world of possibilities. I have discovered that there are no limits to my dreams right now – what I have always thought to be impossible is now possible.

This is awesome and exciting and it is beautiful to be in a place in my life where I am excited about living life to the fullest in whatever way I can.

I have to admit though that amidst the excitement and awesomeness of this new phase of my life, there is also anxiety and confusion and I feel completely overwhelmed. In the coming weeks there is so much change and uncertainty. I do not know where I will live this next year or who with. I do not know if I will be in school, working, or taking advantage of the gift of time through being on disability. With the world open to me, I am exploring options for going overseas for a few years – so I do not know if I will live in the same city come this time next year or even the same country. I have been slowing working towards a Master of Divinity, and honestly I’m even questioning whether this is a right fit for me.

As I sit in this uncertainty, I am reminded of a song that a good friend sent me the day I found out that my journals and therapy records were being subpoenaed by the defense attorney – Details in the Fabric by Jason Mraz:

Hold your own and know your name and go your own way. And everything will be fine.

At the time, I took solace in remembering who I am – I am marked by God as his own. I am His beloved child. I took the phrase ‘know your name’ as a reminder of this calling. I am reminded of a verse in 1 John 3:1: “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” As a child of God, I can take courage for God has lavished love upon me in a way that no other human can. No one cares for me like the Father cares for me. And it is because of His great love for me that everything will be fine. Everything else is just details in the fabric. The great tapestry of my life has been woven together by God Almighty through his love. Where I live, where I invest my time, who I interact with – are all just details in the fabric.

Calm down. Deep breaths. And get yourself dressed instead of running around and pulling on your threads and breaking yourself up…hang on, help is on the way and stay strong, I am doing everything…are the details in the fabric are the things that make you panic? Are the thoughts result of static cling?… Everything will be fine.

 

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