Home > Healing Journey, The Call to Speak out, Uncategorized > Continuing to move forward

Continuing to move forward

A couple of weeks ago, my one-on-one therapist through the trauma program expressed the need for me to find something to do with my time so I wasn’t sitting at home doing nothing.

Yeah, no worries there. I have my first midterm a week from tomorrow and somehow have to absorb 340 pages worth of a psychology textbook between now and then. After studying the brain for the past 6 days, I have reached the conclusion that the brain is not meant to absorb that much information in such a short amount of time. There is a reason why next unit includes chapters on abnormal psychology and treatment for abnormal psychology.

People have been asking me how I am doing since thursday. Thursday was brutal. I took friday and did absolutely nothing. Then Sunday I reflected a lot (my last  post was part of that reflection). And then I hit the books and have been pouring my mind into my psychology textbook trying to grapple with interesting concepts. I made a decision a few weeks ago that I am going to move forward. I was talking with someone tonight and explaining that for the first time I feel “other” to my family… perhaps this is a normal process of growing up and realizing you are your own person, separate from your family. But for me, this has been a long and painful process. I won’t bore you with the list of things that I have held of on because of my family – I have clung to the hope of reconciliation and that they will live in light and truth so much so that that focus has become all what my life is about. But now, I feel free. I am open to reconciliation. I want my family involved in my life. But I no longer need them in the way I used to. I am free.

Yes, the possibility of a retrial is scary and painful. And waiting for the judges’ decision, once again, sucks. But I have no control over these things. Moreover, there is no point in stewing any more until I have more information. I have already spent far too many hours fretting.

I am on a mission – I have a course to pass. Wait – not pass, but succeed at. I have 3 years of amazing studies and opportunities ahead of me with research and practical experiences that are super exciting. Then grad school and research and internships. And once again, I feel even more strongly that I am called to speak out about injustice, about abuse. I want to work with other trauma specialists to increase knowledge and trauma-informed care at all levels of society. I want to educate the public so that they are more equipped to respond to abuse victims and to walk alongside them in their recovery. I want to encourage victims that healing IS possible and that joy, peace and contentment CAN be found and that the journey of healing – as long and painful as it is – is totally worth it. I want to support victims as they challenge their abusers – whether through personal confrontation, restorative justice or the criminal legal system. I want to speak up for the rights of victims who so often feel totally trampled on by the legal system. I want to remind those in legal systems that it is not about a technicality or an interesting point in law, but rather it is about people – people who hurt, and people who have been hurt.

And so yes, the saga of the court drama continues. But it is no longer my main focus. It is in the background – a fading noise that I can turn off and focus on life giving and beautiful things.

I will move forward. I am moving forward. Legal issues and family dynamics no longer keep me from moving forward.

I am free.

thanks be to God.

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  1. Krista Brown
    July 10, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    “I have clung to the hope of reconciliation and that they will live in light and truth so much so that that focus has become all what my life is about. But now, I feel free. I am open to reconciliation. I want my family involved in my life. But I no longer need them in the way I used to. I am free” – Elizabeth…these are wonderful words to hear! As well as “But I have no control over these things. Moreover, there is no point in stewing any more until I have more information.” God is in control, He cares for you and His Will will be done! Lots of love 🙂

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