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Be Still

Over the past few months, I have often felt that I have been running from one thing into the next. For about 6 weeks, I lived and breathed psychology, spending as much time learning the concepts and applying it to my life and knowledge. I worked so incredibly hard – and it paid off! I am happy to announce that I got 87% which puts me in good stead for the program I want to get into. Not only that, I have a 4.0 average for the summer session – I never ever thought that I would see that gpa ever on my transcript 🙂 Praise God indeed for sustaining me throughout the summer.

Yesterday I biked to go and visit a good friend who is in the hospital. Only my back tire went flat on the way there. Of all the routes that I could have taken, I chose the one that was farthest from people, gas stations, bike stores, or public transportation. After deciding with my friend that it would be better for me to come another day, I faced the fact that I would have to take a long walk home.

And then I saw a nature trail. You know, God knows me better than I ever know myself. An unplanned accident turned into a huge blessing as I walked and talked with God in the quiet, with the sound of water over the rocks and the wind rustling through the trees. I’ve been so busy lately that it’s been hard to set aside time alone with God. And so yesterday, when I realized that God was fully present with me in that moment, I just lapped it up.

I turned to God in the midst of his beautiful creation and let my heart’s desires and worries be known. See this summer has been about constantly living on the edge and trusting God…and he faithfully comes through with more than I could ever ask or imagine… only he comes through at the last minute and so the planner in me worries as I am forced to live in the unknown and uncertainty.

And now I face another road block. But this one is different than all the other ones. See, I feel strongly that God wants me to pursue a PhD in clinical psychology and this fall I planned to be in school full time. But now, I am feeling confused. God has provided in many ways and I am truly blessed. But… it is not enough. And very soon, I need to make some decisions. I always feel that God will provide what is best for me according to his ways, which are higher than my ways. Is this God’s way of saying to me that he has other plans for the fall than I had designed? I know that a retrial is within the realm of possibility and I already know how that has affected me – is God telling me what I can handle given what he knows about the future? Or, is He going to wait until the last minute to provide? Honestly, I am lost.

Yesterday, while i was walking, I heard God’s voice – “Be still, and know that I am God.”

Today, I read the psalm from which this verse comes from (Psalm 46):

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at the break day

Natons are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth.

He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth.

He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;

he burns the shields with firre.

“Be still and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.”

The Lord God Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

As I feel lost, I feel as if the earth is giving way and the mountains are falling into the heart of the sea. But there is comfort in knowing that the Lord God Almighty is with me – he is within me, and because of Him, I will not fall even though the waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

Come and see what the Lord has done: the Lord has provided for me in so many ways. When I look over the past 8 years and consider all that has happened and all the amazing people who have given so much to me, not just financially, but opening their homes and their hearts. God has never let me fall.

So, today, I will be still. And know that the Lord is God.

He will provide. Maybe not in the way I was expecting. But he will provide.

And maybe, he has plans for me this fall that I hadn’t considered. Or maybe, he will make what now seems impossible, I don’t know.

But I do know one thing – the Lord God Almighty is with me, the God of Jacob is my fortress.

Amen

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  1. rascaldebrat
    August 20, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    Wow this is just amazing what you have written here. Keep trusting in God and know that things will work out one way or the other. It may not be the way you want it but God does have a plan and he never leaves us alone. Wishing you all the best.

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