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Let my words be few

“You are God in heaven, and here I am on earth, so I’ll let my words be few… Jesus, I am so in love with you” – Matt Redman (Let my words be few)

Tonight, we signed a lease for a beautiful 5 bedroom house with a large backyard and a pear tree. It’s one of those beautiful big houses in the heart of the area that I feel called to. A few days before I have to move, and everything came together… including a 5th housemate who is male and totally into community, Christianity and social justice. There were days I didn’t think it would happen. But it did.

Life is very good on my end as you might have gathered from my last post. But honestly, it has been challenging – challenging because I live with so much uncertainty. I feel like I am in the desert and collecting manna for each day. Only, there is no extra to collect and hoard for the next day. I guess ultimately it means none is spoiled, but it means a daily reliance on God. God seems to provide just enough for today – no more, but no less.

Faith is an adventure. Some days are easier than others. Today God has seen my tears, heard my frustrations and doubts, and watched me smile as I see more and more of how blessed I truly am. It’s not easy depending on God for literally your daily sustenance. But, over these past few days, I have been realizing that my relationship with God is going deeper and I am loving him more and more.

I think so often our prayers, including my own, are a wishlist that we bring to God as if he were Santa or a genie in a lamp, who grants our requests if we ask in the right way, or ask enough. I know my prayers have often been driven by desperation or exasperation. Sometimes they are automatic, like the prayers for finding my keys.

But over the summer, I have been finding myself bringing the whole of me to God – my fears, my frustrations, my questions, my longings, my heart. And then being quiet and still long enough to hear God.

Two nights ago I laid on the deck of a friend’s cottage with two of my favourite people and looked at the stars. The God who created the universe is the same God who loves me and cares for me – do you know how amazing it that is?

Yesterday, my friends and I were out in the middle of the lake and we started this splashing fight and laughing hysterically and uncontrollably with fun banter back and forth. Time stopped for a moment. I forgot about my need to pay tuition, the fact that I didn’t have housing secured for Sept 1, my need to look for a job, and how I would pay for groceries once last month’s rent is paid. I basked in the love for and of my dear friends. I felt totally free to be myself – to laugh, to tease, to splash, to have the joy of a child doing silly things. And then we came to the shoreline and laid in the shallow water. And we were quiet. I was at complete peace and filled with so much joy.

As I continue to live in the uncertainty of what the next few weeks hold, I find myself ending each day with the knowledge that God is in heaven and I am here on earth. I may not know much else sometimes. But there is great security even amidst all this uncertainty in knowing that the God who can set the universe into being is the same God who cares for me. He will provide. I don’t know how or when. And I am realizing that it may not be in the way I want.

But he will provide.

And in the meantime, I will continue to bring my thoughts and feelings to a God who cares enough about me to give me two days of total bliss and a laughter that filled my whole being.

And I will take moments to let my words be few and to simply lay down and bask in the amazing love that he pours into my life. I will delight in Him as I delighted in my friends’ company.

Jesus, I am so in love with you.

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