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I heard a song tonight by Kimya Dawson that spoke to where I am at.

Sometimes it seems like I’ve got all the answers.

But the answers aren’t the same when the questions keep on changing.


I’m trying to be brave cause when I’m brave other people feel brave

But I feel like my heart is caving in.

A common statement I hear frequently these days goes something like this: “I don’t know how you do it!” My standard response is to laugh and say “A lot of caffeine and a lot of prayer”.

Truth be told – I don’t know how I do it. I do not know if I even do it.

It’s past midnight. I have a report/annotated bibliography and presentation tomorrow on liturgical practices in the Qumran community.

Is it done?


Will it be?

I don’t know.

Am I holding it together?

I don’t know.

A huge answer to prayer reminded me that God is at work even when I am busy. I had someone agree to be a subletter in my apartment. It meant spending a couple of days there getting my room in order to show it. I’ve tried to refrain from speaking of this situation on here, but I am deeply saddened, hurt and frustrated at ‘community’ going so badly. It has been a huge stressor this term that has taken it’s tole on me in every aspect. And while I am thankful to have a subletter, my body is not happy with the hours spent in an environment that seems to upset all my inner workings.

I have so much school work to do. Next week is Holy Week and I value walking it in the liturgical tradition which is quite rich. But realistically, I think I may be writing papers and recovering from a cold. And then I move. Officially.

Am I brave?

I try to be. for others. for me even.

Do I feel brave?

No. I feel my heart caving in.

Will it be ok?



I don’t know, other than God is here.

I take heart in today’s meditation from the Celtic Daily Prayer:

Even though the day be laden
and my task dreary
and my strength small,
a song keeps singing
in my heart.
For I know that I am Thine.
I am part of Thee.
Thou art kin to me,
and all my times
are in Thy hand.
Alistair Maclean

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