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Who are you doing this for?

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This morning began very very early. I’m not a morning person. Really really not a morning person. But as I was walking to the transit stop, I felt God’s presence – I watched as the sun came up over the lake (this is one of the pictures that I took this morning). It was breathtaking. I wrote once on here about God painting a masterpiece each day. Now I”m not one to make theology all about me, but this morning, i did feel that God had painted this work of art just for me as it made the early start of the morning totally worth it.

I was up early to make a pitch for funding. It went well. Funding aside, I was given some good questions from experienced people to think about as I plan this program.

And then a few words were mentioned to me.

Some others who were pitching for funding wanted to run something similar. That was all I heard.

But it was more than I wanted to.

MY program is unique! My program is the best! MY program needs funding. All of a sudden I felt the need to guard my ideas… I remember doing research in intellectual property eons ago and decided that I needed to protect MY intellectual property. Didn’t matter that the other ventures were tapping into neighbourhoods that i have no interest in reaching. Didn’t matter that other people were excited about building relationships in which faith and community can be fostered.

All that mattered was: what if someone STOLE my ideas?!

And then, my roommate’s all too good question popped into my mind, trumping all the thoughts about intellectual property. Who are you doing this for? God? or yourself?

I am truly humbled and saddened at how much emphasis I put on *MY* ideas. Honestly, these ideas have come through prayer and doors that God has opened over the years. I was told today that I am pretty well connected and that is impressive. Maybe. But again, it’s not me who made the connections.

And I am even more saddened at my desire to hoard these ideas so that another group isn’t as successful as mine. Since when are these kingdom values?

You’d think someone working for a church, and doing ministry would have it all together in terms of faith. Wrong. Today I made this program all about me, and nothing to do with God.

And I am humbled by my own sinfulness. Sinfulness in a job that is explicitly meant to serve God and his people. Sinfulness that forgets the words of St. Paul that we are to be slaves to Christ. Sinfulness in writing a paper about following Christ all out with everything you have while allowing pride and accomplishments to become my focus.

As I set out in this adventure, I think I need to have my roommate’s question ever before me.

Who are you doing this for?

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