Home > Theological Reflections > Will you still love me?

Will you still love me?

Photo on 2015-08-25 at 6.17 PM

A few months ago I became the proud mom of twins – twin dwarf rabbits Aimee and Dietrich (named after theologians, of course). I’m really loving having rabbits – and they are so different from each other. Aimee is an explorer and loves to discover new parts of the apartment but as soon as there is a new sound she becomes scared and instantly runs back to her home in the cage. Dietrich, on the other hand, is cautious and loves to snuggle.

Last night, I discovered that Aimee is losing fur on her chest and abdomen. She doesn’t like to be held – or at least I thought she didn’t like to be held – so I hadn’t noticed this. She’s also been in a shedding mode so the extra fur was not so surprising at first. But there are bald patches. Poor little girl. Today I took a closer look and it doesn’t look like it’s sore – just she doesn’t like attention drawn to it. Today she gave me this worried look that I am totally anthropomorphizing but it was if she was saying, “Do you still love me?”

I drew her closer to me and held her tight. And she snuggled. Like really snuggled. Unlike her brother who gets bored after awhile and wants to go eat a carrot or chew something else. Her heart rate usually gives away her anxiety but it settled. Her breathing was at a normal rate. She even licked my face. She burrowed her head under my head and stayed there.

Ok, so maybe she wasn’t whispering to me, asking me if I’d love her if she went completely bald. But something happened in the interaction that hadn’t happened in previous times. Maybe it’s a simple result of her trusting me after daily holding her and brushing her. Or maybe she sensed that I now know that she is unwell and will try to help her.

I got thinking about how often we are like my wee rabbit. Anxious that others  or that God will see what we try to hide. A blemish. A scar. A weakness. A fault. We become skittish when anyone comes close.

It is something precious to be seen in all your mess and ugliness for who you are – who you really are and to be held. To be that vulnerable with God and to feel his love. Of course, God already sees who we really are and there is nothing that we can hide from him. But there is something about letting God see – in not trying to hide what he already knows.

And to rest – to rest knowing that God sees, knows, and still loves.

Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me. Psalm 131:2

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